“Don’t hang out with people who don’t love you. Don’t try to impress people who aren’t worth it. Don’t try to win people over who aren’t worth it. Focus on yourself, and focus on the people who are really awesome and who love you. Don’t hang out with people who make you feel like shit. Don’t spend your energy on them. There is so much pressure to be part of the right thing: well, you should create the right thing. If you don’t see it, create it. If you don’t see what you want, be the change you want to see.”—Beth Ditto (via cultivate-solitude)
So I’ve fallen off the horse a bit. Several things came up and it shouldn’t be an excuse, but in the end I just got tired of conflicting with my parents. It also caused me to not be as active on tumblr, and I’m sorry.
I’m moving out now (not having anything to do with that conflict, I’m just moving out) and I’ll use that opportunity to start getting active again. Where I’m moving to has some amazing paths that I love and I’ll be able to do go out with my best friend!
Oh and if you’re wondering who I am, I just changed my url. I was mywellnesslog and I just (obviously) changed it to questtohealthiness. I figured it fit better.
Life moves on, we get better, and even when we stumble we hold on to some of the habits we had. I definitely did and it’ll be much easier to get back into this than it was to start it before.
So while I’m not allowed to weigh myself I am measuring myself. I’m seeing others comparison measurements from beginning to current, and noticing that they’re loosing inches around their bust and hips and not their waist…but me? I lost nothing on both my bust and hips, but lost 2 inches around my waist. I feel weird! Like I don’t deserve the body I have. I’m afraid to share because I feel like I have something that’s hard to get while getting skinnier, not that I am on purpose, it’s just a side effect. I’m not proud that I’m loosing around my waist first, I’m almost ashamed….
So I stopped posting my logs because it was becoming too much of a hassle to record and then rewrite and then think it over a billion times. It kept food too far in the forefront of my mind. I’m still logging and discussing it with people, but not several times over. I’m doing great with calories; consistently staying between 1400 and 1600 total calories a day. That’s my target range at the moment.
There is a lot of differences in my shape and what not. I can honestly say that I haven’t felt this comfortable with myself in a very long time. And I know, Alissa may be reading this and thinking I had no reason to not (I know you are =P), but I’ve been so afraid of becoming like my mom and pretty much her entire family that I’ve made myself totally uncomfortable with my gradual but continual weight gain. I’m starting to feel comfortable again because I feel better, I look better, and I’m pretty much setting it in stone that I’m not going to end up with the problems her family has.
One thing that’s very genetic is that they have a strong history of heart disease. My mom’s already suffered from it and almost had a heart attack. I’m not gonna let myself have that issue at 35 like she did. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a terrible eater, but she has some bad habits that even that couldn’t break her of, and I’m gonna take the chance to learn from her mistakes. It’s actually fairly easy because I’ve always been one to eat healthily, but I’ve lost those little habits that I used to hold on to (sever depression definitely caused that). And I’m realizing how much I miss those choices I used to make. Because I was always choosing things that tasted good and was healthy for you. I don’t really do that anymore…well, I am now, but I wasn’t before. And I like it =)
I pledge to work out hard I pledge to enjoy my rest I pledge to stop making excuses I pledge to fuel my body with healthy foods I pledge to enjoy junk food sometimes and in moderation - and to not feel guilty about it I pledge to drink at least 2 litres of water every day I pledge to avoid…
Argh. I’m falling behind! It’s that point I always hit where I get too comfortable and start to slowly, without realizing it, slip back to old habits. I need this change. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of slowly gaining weight. I’m tired of not being able to do anything. But I’m in the balance right now. I wanna keep going, but I’m convincing myself out of exercises. I’m doing fine with food. I can’t go back with food anymore. I get sick. But I have to keep recording. If I don’t I’ll over eat on the good things, which can be just as bad as overeating on the bad things.
I didn’t record today, I did record yesterday. I have to pick it back up. I need more to hold me accountable. I need it. Because I told my parents that every once in a while I’m alright with having a burger, they seem to think that’s every night. Luckily tonight we went to Crispers which is someplace healthy that we all like =), but they were initially suggesting things like Taco Bell and McDonald’s when we had just had Burger King the last night. It made me frustrated. There’s not even slightly healthy choices at those places…It’s becoming hard to eat out with my family now. None of them like the healthy places. They don’t wanna change their habits, they’re not ready. It’s frustrating. Really really frustrating.
Here’s the log I do have:
cup peach yogurt
15 oz water
peanut butter sandwich
20 oz water
1 serving popcorn chicken with hot sauce
6 oz green tea
tender grill garden salad w/ lite italian dressing (I tried my damnedest at Burger King)
I keep saying tomorrow will be a new day, but it’s not working that way. “I’ll always have tomorrow” no. I won’t. I have today and that’s all that’s guaranteed to me. I need to utilize it. Do what I can with what I know I’ve been allotted. I’m having too many slip ups to not be frustrated right now. I need to fix it. And fast.